Another helping of Q&A
with Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani
Let's talk about sex, Grand Ayatollah!
Question: Can husband and wife have sex with each other while looking at each other in a mirror?
Answer: It's permissible.
Eric: Freaky!
Question: Is play between husband and wife allowed, like touching, feeling, kissing, sucking?
Answer: No problem if he makes sure it does not bring about janabah (major ritual impurity).
Eric: Oh wow, I wonder what that is!
Question: I want to know the ruling on oral sex?
Answer: It is obligatory precaution not permissible; it's very disgust if she agrees.
Question: Is oral sex by husband or wife allowed?
Answer: It is permissible provided no liquid swallowed.
Question: When I am unable to do Muta’h* (temporary marriage), am I allowed to masturbate?
Answer: Masturbation is not permissible under any circumstances.
Eric: And at last, there you have it: suicide missions explained.
Eric: Did I go too far with that one? I think so.
Question: If my wife wants me to masturbate in front of her, is it then allowed?
Answer: You are not allowed to do it with hand, but your wife is.
Eric: Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani is like a wonderful, magical combination of Dr. Phil and Dr. Ruth.
Eric: With the statecraft skills of Dr. Condoleezza Rice.
Eric: He is also, in many ways, like God.
Question: What is an orgy?
Answer: It's forbidden.
* Temporary marriage means one night. It's so Muslim men can sleep with prostitutes.**
** Seriously.
posted by Eric at 4:03 AM
7 Comments:
I would like to request a clarification from the Grand Ayatollah on the matter of the first question, which states:
Question: Can husband and wife have sex with each other while looking at each other in a mirror?
Now, I would not consider myself to be very worldly (I was, after all, educated in the Connecticut public schools), but if the husband and wife are looking at each other in the mirror, does that mean that they are using a more, ahem, nontraditional point of entry?
Come to think of it, I need to request a second ruling from the chair, on the question of the swallowing of liquids during oral sex.
I feel the grand ayatollah is unclear here. What if a wealthy sheik and his paramour du jour are involved in this permitted activity, and their movements cause a glass of Ovaltine sitting on the nightstand to fall over, whereupon a portion of the liquid contents fall into the sheik's mouth?
Just to clarify, a quick Google search (the heighth of good journalism/research) shows that janaba is the evidence of orgasm. Bill Clinton, Ali S is after you again...
By the way, Eric, next version of Q and A with Ali S you should do in the warped Brit/gagsta dialect made popular by Ali G. Food for thought...
These are all excellent questions. Grand Ayatollah, your thoughts please?
Come on Sistani, don't give me this "playing hard to get" shit. I know you read my blog.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I seriously considered deleting this last comment, because it will send my mother around the bend -- again -- and none of us need that, do we?
Bang, I had to do it -- not from any love of censorship (though I DO love censorship, honestly) but because it used my full name. I don't want google to point to this site, dig?
Feel free to resubmit with initials, pseudonyms, aptonyms, what have you.
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