For God's sake, pull the plug!
Congress convened late last night to pass an emergency law, which the president then ran to the Oval Office in the nude to sign. I heard.
The law says that every last freaking writer in America must offer his two cents about Terri what's-her-name down in Florida. My God, can't anybody think of something different to write about? The Internet has become as screechy and single-minded about this topic as a crazy streetcorner bum talking to himself. Please, please, change the subject! There's a perfectly interesting celebrity child molestation case going on in California, can't we talk about that? And has anybody checked in on Elian Gonzalez recently?
But elktown will comply with the law. So here is my opinion on Terri: She should be allowed to die in peace, OK? And I'm going to take this opportunity to tell all my loved ones, my friends, and George W. and Jeb Bush -- the entire Bush family, for that matter, including all possible future presidents -- that should I ever find myself in Terri's sad situation, and you are tempted to save me in the name of God and Republicanism, please refrain. Pull the plug!
This is my living will, witnessed by all of you out there in blog land. If I am nonresponsive or comatose... permanently...
pull the plug!
If I am dependent on a feeding tube, breathing tube -- honestly, I'm talking about any sort of permanent tubing here -- pull it!
If I am vegetative, jello-brained, or really, if any part of my body has morphed into anything that can be legitimately compared to food... pull the plug!
If I'm alive and conscious, but have grown bitter or unamusing...
pull the plug!
And if I ever turn evil -- even if I'm perfect health --
pull that plug, baby!
Thank you for your attention. If any notaries are reading this, could you leave a comment below making this official?
The law says that every last freaking writer in America must offer his two cents about Terri what's-her-name down in Florida. My God, can't anybody think of something different to write about? The Internet has become as screechy and single-minded about this topic as a crazy streetcorner bum talking to himself. Please, please, change the subject! There's a perfectly interesting celebrity child molestation case going on in California, can't we talk about that? And has anybody checked in on Elian Gonzalez recently?
But elktown will comply with the law. So here is my opinion on Terri: She should be allowed to die in peace, OK? And I'm going to take this opportunity to tell all my loved ones, my friends, and George W. and Jeb Bush -- the entire Bush family, for that matter, including all possible future presidents -- that should I ever find myself in Terri's sad situation, and you are tempted to save me in the name of God and Republicanism, please refrain. Pull the plug!
This is my living will, witnessed by all of you out there in blog land. If I am nonresponsive or comatose... permanently...
pull the plug!
If I am dependent on a feeding tube, breathing tube -- honestly, I'm talking about any sort of permanent tubing here -- pull it!
If I am vegetative, jello-brained, or really, if any part of my body has morphed into anything that can be legitimately compared to food... pull the plug!
If I'm alive and conscious, but have grown bitter or unamusing...
pull the plug!
And if I ever turn evil -- even if I'm perfect health --
pull that plug, baby!
Thank you for your attention. If any notaries are reading this, could you leave a comment below making this official?
posted by Eric at 6:34 AM
4 Comments:
Long have I contended that you are evil, Newman. Now I have the legal recourse with which to banish you. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
By the way, when you are heading back to states?
Returning April 29 - May 9. Wouldn't want to miss June and July in the desert... 130 degrees, yay!
Er you crack me up. come home NOW! this is your sister. I MISS YOU!
You seem to have omitted one, shall we say, fundamental plug-pulling condition to which you previously assented...
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