Why the SAT is like geopolitics
Since this is my own personal website, I don't have to be politically correct. So I'm going to lay it out for you: Arab students are much, much harder to teach.
Now listen: This doesn't mean I don't like Arab students. In fact, the sweetest students I've had – the ones you just want to hug sometimes, but you don't because you don't want to be fired or arrested – have been Arabs. Arab students can be immensely lovable. But Arab students, especially in large groups, are near impossible to handle sometimes. They are just so chattery, to use a soft word. Many of them never learned to sit still and listen to a teacher.
So, my fellow teachers and I have developed a strategy. We each developed it independently, and so we were happy to find out the other day that all of us do it. This is the strategy: When you walk into a class full of Arabs, just kick one or two of them out right away. Pick the mouthiest kid and boot him. If he begs to stay, all the better. But no chance.
Most of the time, this isn't necessary. But if they're particularly squirrelly, you just do it, no agonizing, no pleading. The rest of them shape up right away. It's a cliché you've probably heard too many times, but they really do respect authority – especially the boys. Their dads kick their asses – figuratively and in some cases, literally – and as soon as you remind them of their dads, they will shut up and listen to you. And the meaner you are, the better they like you. I swear to you this is true. I've torn kids' heads off in class only to have them practically bow to me afterwards.
Now the geopolitics: We decided the Iraq war can be viewed as a very simple case of our strategy in action.
"Saddam, what is your problem? How many times have we warned you not to talk while we're talking? I asked you to open your book to page 47, and you're still trying to develop nuclear weapons! I'm not going to ask you again!"
"That's it, we've had it with you, Saddam. You're done here, buddy. Take your pencil, calculator, and your uranium-refinement centrifuge technology and get out of my class. No, I said right now. Report immediately to the barber/delouser."
And voila, everyone else will behave for the rest of the class.
Now listen: This doesn't mean I don't like Arab students. In fact, the sweetest students I've had – the ones you just want to hug sometimes, but you don't because you don't want to be fired or arrested – have been Arabs. Arab students can be immensely lovable. But Arab students, especially in large groups, are near impossible to handle sometimes. They are just so chattery, to use a soft word. Many of them never learned to sit still and listen to a teacher.
So, my fellow teachers and I have developed a strategy. We each developed it independently, and so we were happy to find out the other day that all of us do it. This is the strategy: When you walk into a class full of Arabs, just kick one or two of them out right away. Pick the mouthiest kid and boot him. If he begs to stay, all the better. But no chance.
Most of the time, this isn't necessary. But if they're particularly squirrelly, you just do it, no agonizing, no pleading. The rest of them shape up right away. It's a cliché you've probably heard too many times, but they really do respect authority – especially the boys. Their dads kick their asses – figuratively and in some cases, literally – and as soon as you remind them of their dads, they will shut up and listen to you. And the meaner you are, the better they like you. I swear to you this is true. I've torn kids' heads off in class only to have them practically bow to me afterwards.
Now the geopolitics: We decided the Iraq war can be viewed as a very simple case of our strategy in action.
"Saddam, what is your problem? How many times have we warned you not to talk while we're talking? I asked you to open your book to page 47, and you're still trying to develop nuclear weapons! I'm not going to ask you again!"
"That's it, we've had it with you, Saddam. You're done here, buddy. Take your pencil, calculator, and your uranium-refinement centrifuge technology and get out of my class. No, I said right now. Report immediately to the barber/delouser."
And voila, everyone else will behave for the rest of the class.
posted by Eric at 4:37 AM
5 Comments:
This reminds me of a group of unruly 7th graders, mostly non-Arabs, in midwestern America who were loud and joking around, ignoring their teacher one day. She told them to stop being so obnoxious and disrespectful. A crafty ringleader of the group ventured a wisecrack, "We're brainstorming!" I assume you remember the response?
Chris, you have no idea how much impact my rascalliness as a student has had on my career as a teacher. Now that I'm on the chalkboard side of things, I have been made to pay for my old classroom sins over and over.
But the opposite is also true: These kids, who think they're so clever when they screw around, genuinely have no idea who they're dealing with. Whenever I shut down some obnoxious kid, I just want to laugh and say, "Don't you know you can't bullshit a bullshitter?"
(So Vonda was right about that part, wasn't she?)
Indeed. And her shock effect was well placed also, as I'm sure you've learned to employ. I'm sure she would be happy to hear the tables have turned. Rule with an iron fist...
Yeah, and we've seen how well that geopolitical strategy has worked, eh Kennan? I mean, once we got that Saddam joker out of the picture, the rest of the country just fell right into line! Why Iraq is a virtual paradise these days! We sure showed them who was the boss!
Eric, I'm not faulting your teaching method. In fact, I think understanding that cultural deference to authority (and exploiting it to your advantage) is a great move. Unfortunately, I think you pulled a Bush and extrapolated (wrongly) from your own experience and applied that lesson to your approach to the world writ large. Congratulations! I now pronounce you a second-generation neocon.
~Andrew
Andrew, come on man, I'm trying to run the world here. Must you insist on disrupting me with your "facts" and your "realism"?
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