Comin' to America...

TODAY!!

American vacation

I'm leaving for the U.S. tomorrow, and people, I simply cannot tell you how much I've been looking forward to this. My time in Dubai has been a roller coaster... definitely worthwhile, and often incredibly fun, but very trying sometimes too. I'll post some darker stories after I come home for good, in August.

Four months in Dubai has felt much longer to me than the ten months I spent in Paris. Obviously, Dubai as a city isn't comparable to Paris, but I don't think that's why it feels different. Just like in Paris, I have friends here and plenty to do to keep me busy. It isn't the cities, but I who have changed.

27 is very different than 21. In those six years I've become a new person, and one of the big changes, I've realized, has been my level of attachment to family and friends. My family knows we've always been close, but it's fundamentally different now that I'm an adult. I've missed my family -- my extended family on both sides, but especially my mom, dad, and sister -- far more powerfully than I did when I lived in France. Back then, I missed them like a teenager, which is to say... not that much. At least, not so much that it bothered me.

Missing your family as an adult is almost a regression. It's like being a child again. A small child feels the absence of family very sharply, and so have I.

Anyway, I'll be in Washington, DC between Friday, April 29 and Monday, May 9. I am so excited to see my family and my friends, I can't put it into words. If you're an out-of-town friend or relative, can you please give me a call sometime that week? Day or night is OK. I know it's crass to ask in such an impersonal way, but I don't care, because I want to talk to a lot of people and I won't have a chance for three more months after this. I would call out, but I don't know your schedules, whereas you know mine: I'm basically free all eleven days. Call me at (£0%) 7&4-7*^9***. And check back in to the website -- I'll try to post a few times. And if anybody wants a souvenir from Paris, where I'm stopping, better ask me real soon.

***Internet freaks: Do not call.

American culture, like the Lord, works in mysterious ways

In the TOEFL English textbook, there is a grammar problem about Joan of Arc. I was teaching this problem recently to two students, a Lebanese boy and an Emirati girl. The girl was draped in a full-body abbaya, only her eyes visible, but like all the local girls I've taught, she was extremely high-spirited and very charming.

"Who's Joan of Arc?" they asked. I explained – a 14-year-old French peasant girl who led an army to kick the British out of France. She believed she heard the voice of God, I said. The Emirati girl nodded.

But the young man snorted. "A girl? Leading an army? No way."

I didn't really want to discuss it and was ready to move along. But the conversation grew unexpectedly heated when the young woman interjected fiercely from behind her veil.

"I believe it!" she cried, her eyes wide. "Why couldn't she do it? She led the army because she was chosen by God!"

Pause.

"Like Buffy."

This time they've gone too far

The latest casualty in America's war against fat people:
Cookie Monster.



Cookie has fallen victim to our paranoia about obese children. Now he will be some sort of "fruit and vegetable monster." He will no longer sing, "C is for Cookie – it's good enough for me," but instead will sing "A cookie is a sometimes food." Oh, those bastards.

And the worst part is Senator Doctor Bill Frist, one of the great assholes of modern times. Just as he thought Terri Schiavo's sad life was somehow his business, he now feels it's his job to intervene on Sesame Street. Here's what he said: "Even Cookie Monster is learning to control his cravings. His sage advice opened our eyes to the simple joys of a tasty cookie, and now reminds us that moderation is the key to healthy living."

How's this for moderation, Doc: I hold you directly responsible for the death of Cookie Monster! You (expletive linked to)!!!!

Also, does anyone else find it disturbing that the banana that Cookie will presumably eat has a face?